A "He-he-he-larious" Holiday Greeting

We received quite a few cute Christmas cards this year - but one particularly stood out from the rest. It came from an old friend back in college (now living in California) with a daughter who's a year older than S. Enclosed was this letter, which was a hoot to read:

Dear S.,

We finally bought a house. Unfortunately its 700 miles away in Bend, Oregon. For the time being we will be renting it out. The town of Bend is one of the fastest growing cities in America. It is surrounded by the sedate - at least we hope they stay that way - volcanos Mt. Bachelor and the Three Sisters. To the east is the burgeoning high desert. On a still morning you can almost hear the strains of the mule skinners, or maybe its the trucks from Trader Joes on their way to Portland.

There are some drawbacks to the area. I now have a passion for whittling figurines out of peach pits and a yen to trap beaver. I've also developed a skill in identifying wildlife scat. Since many Oregonians resent Californians we've been practicing local. No tie-dye, just flannel shirts. When locals walk by we pretend to be in earnest discussion about who will win the Country Music Awards. Daddy also told me that no matter what the locals say, Hank Williams is not of the House of David.

A house payment puts us on a tight budget so when we see something we want we have to improvise. When we saw those giant inflatable snow globes Daddy decided to make one out of clear vinyl and styrofoam gleaned from dumpster diving. While he was inside stitching up the vinyl Mommy turned on the vacuum and instead of circulating, she had it on suction. Daddy is out of the hospital now and is doing well, though sometimes he still coughs out styrofoam. Unlucky for us Mommy didn't do this 15 years ago because we'd be rich. Mommy would have the patent on the space bag.

In an effort to raise Holiday funds Daddy volunteered to be a guinea pig for the new Avian flu vaccine. It will be very promising once they eliminate the side effects. Daddy is still pecking and scratching holes in the carpet though he says the urge is subsiding. He still crows however at sunrise.

I'm in first grade now but I'm working on my M.I.T. application. I'm also overseeing my research project in quantum teleportation involving only the MAC operating system. I also won an architectural contest for environmentalists. They'll be breaking ground in Manila on my design - a thirty story skyscraper made out of carabao dung, bamboo and lumpia wrapper. Mommy is still working at Piedmont Gardens but is finding the time to get a Filipino shoe company called "We're All Imelda" ready for IPO. Daddy is still searching for a career and teaching Tantric Yoga online. The good news is he got a call back for what he calls his dream job - the Brazilian wax supervisor for the TV show "America's Next Top Model". Our two hermit crabs Princess and Angel are doing well, in fact DNA extracted from them quite possibly will cure all known diseases and extend human life span by 100 years.

Other than that the year has been humdrum.

Happy Holidays!!

Love,

A.